Monday, March 28, 2011

Best Democrat Jokes Over the Last Year

Here are some of the very best jokes about democrats over the last year or so from the late night comedians:

''The birthers believe that the president was secretly born in Kenya. ... I always thought he was born in a manger in Jerusalem.'' —Jimmy Kimmel

''President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing.'' —Jimmy Fallon

''After Joe Wilson's outburst, everyone was shocked. Because usually when a politician shoots off his mouth and makes a fool of himself, his name is Joe Biden. ... But even Biden said he was embarrassed by Wilson's behavior. This is Joe Biden we're talking about. Joe Biden saying it's embarrassing is like an Australian bartender saying you've had too much to drink.'' —Craig Ferguson

''Bill Clinton has still got it. He's still got it. He does! You think it's easy to pick up two chicks in North Korea? But he did. And he brought them home. The two women are okay. They said they felt violated and dehumanized by their experience. And that was just the flight home.'' —Bill Maher

''President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.'' —Conan O'Brien

“The two female journalists held captive in North Korea are saying they were shocked to walk into a room and see Bill Clinton there. That's what they said. Then they said they were even more shocked to see him wearing nothing but a towel.'' —Conan O'Brien

''President Obama and the first lady say they will not be exchanging gifts this Christmas. Mrs. Obama says they used to, but she got tired of Barack promising big things and not delivering.'' —Conan O'Brien

''Today, by the way, is our president, President Obama's, one-year anniversary in office. I looked it up. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate.'' —Jimmy Kimmel

''I read today that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is considering running for the Senate. In fact he's already holding fundraisers: $500 for the full hour and $300 for a half hour.'' —Jimmy Fallon

''When you think about it and think about what it meant at the time and what it has meant since it really is one of those things that in our lifetime we have been tremendously lucky to observe the end of the wall in Berlin. The wall came down 20 years ago today. And that signaled the end of communism. Until, of course, Obama and his pinko buddies took over.'' —David Letterman

''Google has announced that they're going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It's fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom.'' —Craig Ferguson

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