Friday, March 25, 2011

Best Late Night Jokes of the Week - 03/25/11

Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon Conan O'Brien, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel:

"It's one humiliation after another for Moammar Gadhafi.  First his own people started rising up against him, then his compound was bombed, and now he's getting beaten up by the French." –Jay Leno

"Germany has pulled its forces out of NATO over Libya. When the Germans don't want to fight and the French do, the whole world is upside down." –Jay Leno

"We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize." –Jay Leno

"According to a new study, hangovers get worse as you age. The older you are, the worse it is to get bombed. Khadafi said, 'Tell me about it.'" –Jay Leno

"According to reports, Khadafi is surrounded by an elite corps of female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins. In a related story, today Charlie Sheen invaded Libya." –Conan O’Brien

"On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying, 'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The NAACP is taking a greater interest in attracting leaders from the gay community. This explains their new name, the 'National Association for the Advancement of Color-Coordinated People.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump says he will run for president. He'll have to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head." –David Letterman

"Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant." –David Letterman

"How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One." –David Letterman

"President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America short because of the situation in Libya — and to check on his NCAA brackets." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A man in Texas used his obituary to ask for donations to anyone running against Obama in 2012. And then his ghost was offered a nightly show on Fox News." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is engaged in 'theater.' Which explains the new strategy to defeat him: casting him as the lead in 'Spider-Man: the Musical.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"We know more about President Obama’s basketball picks than his plans for Libya." –Jay Leno

"California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they're just being paranoid." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama is doing business in Latin America this week. I guess regular America isn't good enough for him anymore." –Jimmy Kimmel

'President Obama is in Chile. The President of Chile said Michelle Obama is very good looking, and Obama said the same thing about the Chilean President’s wife. I’m not sure this is the kind of trade agreement he went there to negotiate." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Everyone is focused on March Madness but there haven't been any games in a few days. It's been so boring that President Obama has decided to focus on the situations in Libya and Japan." –Jimmy Fallon

"Remember when President Obama said we can’t fight two wars and vowed to change our policy? Well, he did. Now we’re fighting three wars." –Jay Leno

"Obama said we will send economic aid to Libya to help the Libyan people reach their dreams. And if that works, they’ll try it here." –Jay Leno

"Rich people are buying Geiger counters. Poor people are putting bags of microwave popcorn on the windowsill. If it starts popping, get the hell out." –Jay Leno

"The Pentagon held a press-conference about the military operation in Libya. They are calling it Odyssey Dawn. I believe it's the first military operation named after a stripper” –David Letterman

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