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Here are the very best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, Craig Ferguson and Stephen Colbert:
"The President and First Lady attended a parent-teacher conference, and when they left, President Obama didn't look very happy. Apparently Joe Biden's being held back a grade." –Craig Ferguson
"In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies." –Craig Ferguson
"In New Orleans tonight the streets are awash in necklaces. If only you could have waited a few weeks, Lindsay Lohan." –Craig Ferguson
"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. Listen, I'm no fan of unwed mothers either, but this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien
"This is the last voyage of the Space Shuttle, and President Obama called them in space today: 'You're not going to believe what's happening with Charlie Sheen down here.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for Governor." –Conan O'Brien
"Today residents of L.A. are voting on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien
"Charlie Sheen says he's going to go to Haiti: 'I want to show them what a real disaster looks like.'" –Conan O'Brien
"A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in an overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat." –Conan O'Brien
"Welcome back to the part of the program I'm legally obligated to devote to Charlie Sheen, our new National Pastime." –Stephen Colbert
"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag." –Stephen Colbert
"Wisconsin Republicans are accusing the missing Democrats of secretly sneaking back into the state to visit their wives. A politician sneaking into his own house to have sex with his own wife." –Jay Leno
"Mexican President Calderon told President Obama that the United States must do more to reduce the demand for drugs. Obama said, 'We got Charlie Sheen off cocaine. What more do you want us to do?'" –Jay Leno
"Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there." –Jay Leno
"The Mexican president was in town and said he wants more American tourists to visit his country. Which explains their new tourism slogan: 'Mexico. Come to us or we’ll come to you.'" –Jimmy Fallon
Charlie Sheen called his former co-star Jon Cryer a turncoat, a traitor, and a troll. He then turned to a different page in his dictionary and called him a ukulele, an umbrella, and a unicorn. –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump denies that he’s pretending to run for president to gain publicity for his TV show. He says that anyone that says is this is clearly an “apprentice,” and they deserve to be fired on Thursday at 9:00. –Conan O’Brien
In China, an annual St. Patrick’s Day parade has been canceled. Now the only question is, who’s going to break the news to Ming O’Sullivan? –Conan O’Brien
George Clooney said he could never be President because he'd slept with too many women and done too many drugs. Those are the requirements for running for Congress. - Jay Leno
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