Recently, while loading the dishwasher, I was told I was being anal. This would not have been so bad except that this was by someone who would be considered the Queen of Anal by many (and by many, I mean particularly me.) This is like someone being told by President Obama that they are a bad economist. Anyway, my first reaction upon hearing this was that I should check my shorts and make sure my entire male package was still intact. Thankfully it was.
Still, it made me take pause. Was I becoming a woman? Then I realized, “Uh oh, chick flicks are generally my favorite type of movie.” I rationalized, but who could resist a line like, “You had me at hello, you had me at hello.” (I’m not sure why she had to repeat it. Maybe Tom Cruise was supposed to be hard of hearing in that movie.)
Wait a minute! I am becoming a woman, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hold on, hold on. (Oh, I repeat myself too, so, okay Renee Zellweger, you get a pass on that one.) Oh no, this is getting worse by the minute, I’m talking like a woman too. I’ve got to stop having this conversation …with myself. (Do women do that?)
Okay, here’s a positive thought, A Few Good Men was one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah, that makes me feel better. A real ass kicker there. But, oh crap! Even that was more of a cerebral movie, no bombs going off or bodies blowing up. Oh sure, there were a couple of unintentional murders which was the premise for the whole movie, but no real guy stuff, like gratuitous violence. I’m going to admit something here that, as a man, I am not proud of, but I don’t even like gratuitous violence in movies very much. (Oh God, I hope I’m still capable of having sex!)
Here we go, here’s something in my favor. Gratuitous sex, which is often in the chick flicks, which I enjoy, is something I like very much. Yeah, baby! I’m starting to feel better about my manhood already. And gratuitous nudity…bring it on! Yes!!
While I’ll admit, I don’t need the gratuitous sex and nudity, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. (I couldn’t just stop when I was feeling better about myself, could I?)
I got it now, for me to enjoy a chick flick it has to be a rom com. So you see, it’s the comedy that I like. I don’t go for movies like Eat, Pray, Love, Make Me Throw Up. That’s a relief. I am pretty macho after all.
Here is a little aside (to get me off of this subject since I was getting ahead, finally.) There is a new movie coming out with Cameron Diaz, called Bad Teacher. I don’t think it’s a rom com, or necessarily even a chick flick, but the ad I saw made me regret my childhood because I never had a teacher that looked remotely like Cameron Diaz. The teacher I most remember was my fifth grade teacher whose boobs were so big she carried her lunch tray on top of them, but not in an attractive way because the rest of her was equally as big. And she reveled in leading the class in singing a stirring rendition of Carry Me Back to Old Virginy…Ah memories!
So there you have it. I'm going to end off on this subject of my manhood while I’m still ahead, sort of. Anyway, I‘ve got to get back to loading the dishwasher!
No comments:
Post a Comment