Here are some of David Letterman's top ten lists from last week:
Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Letting Your Monkey Get Married
10 "Where can I hire a monkey rabbi?"
9 "Should he get a prenup to protect his bananas?"
8 "Do I get along with the monkeys-in-law?"
7 "Band or DJ?" (Important question for any wedding)
6 "Will I mind the newspaper headlines referring to me as 'local freak?’"
5 "Can the bride's father pay for the wedding on his circus pension?"
4 "Am I ready to attend the creepiest bachelor party of my life?"
3 "When did my life turn into a Kevin James movie?"
2 "Would he rather go to New York and have a gay monkey marriage?"
1 "Does Men's Wearhouse rent urine-proof tuxedos?"
Top Ten Thoughts of a Guy Stuck in a Manhole
10 “I’m suing the city for not idiot-proofing these things”
9 “Hey, Chilean Miners!”
8 “A rat just took my Discover card”
7 “Save me, Captain America!”
6 “This is how Orson Welles died”
5 “I think I found Ayman al-Zawahiri”
4 “What? No WiFi? What is this, Russia?”
3 “At least no one can see me”
2 “Where did my life go wrong?”
1 “First I get fired from ‘Two and a Half Men,’ and now this?”
Top Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Win Over The Republicans
10 Show up to next meeting in a Captain America uniform
9 Burn everyone a really cool mix CD
8 Bribe them with free tickets to a “Larry the Cable Guy” show
7 Raise the debt ceiling, but do it with a fun sound effect
6 Do something about the heat
5 Swap places with another guy named Barack Obama — hey, don't miss the new reality show "Same Name" Sundays at 9:00 p.m. on CBS!
4 Put Chuck Norris on the nickel
3 Like I'm the right guy to ask for advice on winning people over
2 Don't be such a poor sport when they call him a socialist, foreign-born, radical Muslim who's trying to destroy America
1 Kill bin Laden again
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