Monday, July 11, 2011

Classic Jokes from Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares was a very funny TV show that was on for many years.  Here are just a few of the classic jokes from that show:

1) If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

2) True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

3) You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

4) According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
5) Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

6) In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say “I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

7) What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

8) As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

9) Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

10) Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

11) In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

12) It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

13) During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

14) Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

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