I went into an Apple store the other day, not as a customer but as more of a tag along. Not being much of a techie at all it is very unusual for someone like me to be seen in a place like that. I was as out of place there as John Edwards and Arnold Schwarzenegger would be at a Planned Parenthood meeting .
One thing that did impress me though was the dress code of the workers there. Except for the Apple logoed shirts they were wearing the type of clothing that you’d see someone typically wear to a picnic. Since my standard summer wardrobe consists of shirt, shorts and sneakers it made me think, “Hey, maybe I am a geek after all.” And on top of that it seemed like a lot of the employees were just standing around doing nothing, even though it looked like there were people waiting for service, it made me think, “Hmmm, maybe I do fit in here.” I thought I could even work at a place like this since I specialize in standing around doing nothing. It was even my major in college.
I mustered up the courage to ask the manager for a job. But when he found out that I never owned any Apple made equipment and I think Mac is what you call a guy when you can’t think of his name, the interview got off to a bad start. Then it quickly ended when I realized I didn’t even know how to turn on an Iphone.
That’s okay, I only wanted a paycheck, not a job. And even though their dress standards were low I get to work at home in my underwear and I think that is even below their standards. (Although, I did see one of them with his underwear outside his clothes.)
When someone finally came up to help us she carried an Iphone. I was pleasantly surprised when she talked to us rather than texting as we stood face to face. The question I wanted to ask her is why are all these Apple products prefaced with “I?” Is it all part of the hedonistic culture that we have emblazoned across the nation and, in fact, the world that is manifested by the geeks that are so afraid to actually communicate that they bury their attention into a machine they can conveniently carry in their hand anywhere they go so they can hide from true human contact with anyone? But I didn’t ask it because I was too busy laughing to myself about that the guy that was wearing his underwear outside of his clothes.
Then, as we finished, the girl attending to us made us feel as if we got a gift from heaven. She did a little spin on the pricing that, instead of massively overcharging us only slightly overcharged us, making us feel like we scored a major coup, when it reality it was more like only getting punched in the face as opposed to being mugged and left in the gutter for dead.
Other than all of that it was quite an experience. But my last question for the Apple people would be if these phones are so damn smart why aren’t they smart enough to teach me how to use one? (Insert your own joke here about my intelligence or lack thereof.)
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