Wednesday, July 13, 2011

More Classic Jokes from Hollywood Squares

Here are some more classic jokes from the Hollywood Squares TV show that brought so many laughs to people in years past:

1) When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

2) If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

3) According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!

4) Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

5) While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

6) It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

7) Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcée.

8) Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it into his mouth.

9) Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.

10) Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

11) When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

12) James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

13) Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

14) Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

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