Here are some Top Ten lists from The David Letterman show of last Wednesday and Thursday:
Top Ten Reasons I, Dave Letterman, Am Proud To Be An American
10) The complimentary TSA groping
9) Other countries don't have one Dakota — we have two
8) Land of the free, home of the brave, and the fattest people on Earth
7) Our wise and learned Founding Fathers, such as Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Gotti (joke provided by Michele O'Bachmann)
6) All our presidents were born in America . . . or possibly Kenya
5) The United States has the best extreme couponers in the world
4) We live in a country where our politicians text photos of their junk
3) Forget all this, have you seen the news story about Florence Henderson?
2) Kim Kardashian X-rayed her butt
1) What other country would let me get away with doing this crap?
Top Ten Lindsay Lohan Summer Plans
10) Get drunk, steal some crap
9) Scan United States code for laws she hasn't broken
8) For change of pace, rent timeshare in Hamptons prison
7) Update her mug shot
6) Play new fun game: Will I get buzzed into this jewelry store?
5) Help Michele O'Bachmann learn the difference between actors and serial killers
4) Decide if the next step is "Dancing With the Stars" or "Celebrity Rehab"
3) Shop for the latest trends in ankle monitor fashions
2) Go see new Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts movie "Larry Crowne." The "Chicago Tribune" calls it a delightful romp
1) Get treated for exhaustion, dehydration, or some other celebrity affliction
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